Artist statement

I’m in it for the long haul…

I married a mountain goat. Despite having multiple sclerosis, my husband can out walk and out hike almost anyone he takes to the mountains. We lovingly refer to these outings as "death marches". When we first met I tried keeping pace with him and pulled a groin muscle so severely it still comes back to haunt me. I would swear in my head every time we trekked up ANOTHER never ending hill. Those sloping ones that make you think you're close to the top only to surprise you with 100 more yards of cruel incline, then 50 more, then 25 more…I did not like them. But I loved getting to the top. My mountain goat husband has led me up many a mountain and I will keep following him as well as climbing up mountains of my own because of what I've learned along the way. 

Things that come easy don't carry the same weight, meaning or appreciation as things we suffer for. That mountain top view would not be as breathtakingly beautiful and deeply spiritual if I didn't work for it. The painful steps and aching muscles that got me there add meaning and connection to that moment. They ground the memories for me. I literally carry them with me in my body as well as my mind. My muscles remember. And my muscles have changed. My mind has changed. Where I used to swear up every incline, I now endure the feelings and accept them because I have learned a few things about them. 

1. They won't last.

2. The discomfort has a max and after that it is only how long you can endure that feeling.

3. I'm capable of more than I think I am.

4. It is always worth it in the end.

Knowing that lets me do and experience things I never thought possible. I don't seek the suffering, but I accept it as part of doing something that is worth doing. 

How does this relate to my art? I am in it for the long haul. I don't want to be helicoptered to the top. I want to walk the path through the foothills to the base of the mountain. I want to walk up the shallow slopes to get to the long hard drags. I want to reach little points along the way where I can look back and see how far I've come. Then I want to look forward again and start walking to the next peak. I don't want to view the difficulties as a sign that I'm doing something wrong, I want to understand that they are part of the process of learning and growing and they will make any successes I have taste even sweeter. I want to grow my mental toughness for this climb the same way my mountain goat husband helped me grow my mental toughness for the mountains. I will surround myself with people who inspire me to step out of my comfort zone, put myself out there, stretch my capabilities and strive for excellence. Arriving somewhere is only a small part of the journey and I want to appreciate it all. I'm in it for the long haul.